i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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