Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
