I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
never play flip cup with pint glasses
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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