she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
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