Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
