Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
