Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
