I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
