Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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