You drinking a lot?
Define a lot
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
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It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
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I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.