I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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