Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.