I have demons in me.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
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I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
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I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.