I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.