well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
