I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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