why didn't you poke me back
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
