While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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