Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
