Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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