How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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