dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
