just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Randomize
