I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
there's paper in my vomit.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
