i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
