See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
