Having a random hookup so left but love u
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize