it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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