I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
