I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
