dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
