true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
