He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
