There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
