My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
