so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.