my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches