I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.