Just mADE A PArabola og urine
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.