god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
