In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We have so much sex to catch up on
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
