I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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