Moan for me like Helen Keller
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
