he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
