She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
