i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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