I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
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I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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