can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm just crazy horny about you
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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