garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
