Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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