i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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