1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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