loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
please come you make the beer taste better
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
In other news, I just burned my penis
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
