the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
