New invention idea: vibrating tampons
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
