Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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