oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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