my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize