Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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