I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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