Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
