were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This house was built for laser tag.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
