who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
