mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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