Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
