Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
