I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
im on a boat
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