You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
